This is My Love.

Sorry that I've not been updating. Well, you could say that I've been writing more than usual, not here though. I've written several essays over the span of barely 2 weeks, right after completing a 14 page Research Report. But I'm enjoying it! As Abby Cheng says, it's therapeutic :)

I love that I can draft. I don't get it right every time, but I have room to edit, correct or change. And honestly, it's why a single entry takes so long to emerge. It's here that I am reminded of my relationship with God - It's how I don't get it right, but having room for God to do what He wants or needs to at the same time.

I pledged my love, to My Love. I remember signing my first, 7 years ago.

Over these past years, my perspective about the True Love Waits Covenant has changed. And I'm pretty glad it did, because it no longer means a limit, a boundary or simply something I wanted to keep to for God. It is no longer about age, about myself or about the future.

It about now, my now. It's about where I place my love, now. If love exists in the context of desire, then where does my heart lie? I decided 7 years ago that I wanted to place my heart in God's hands and I did it again.

It was all that meant to me at those silent, quiet moments. It was all I wanted to think of.

We're human. Humans have pulses and heartbeats that can go out of beat, literally. Is that all that matters when these things fall out of our control? I used to fight pretty hard against it. Now it seems so easy to overcome because God satisfies. That's change.

I've come to embrace and enjoy change, I like :)

There's always a part of me that doesn't quite understand why I'm doing what I do, but there'll always be all of me to answer for it.

People search for love. They can barely stand waiting. I'm drawn to sweet, romantic shows, not because I want to fall in love the same way, but because I know how these things don't happen in reality. Sometimes it does, but what are the chances, what are the odds? The heartbreaks, the heartaches come down to.. what?

I managed to squeeze time out to watch The Lake House on cable. All I ended up with was, wait. Alex Wyler waited 2 extra years, escaped death but he, waited. He waited for Kate Foster, who was living 2 years ahead of him. Imagine that. He didn't see it as time wasted, he just waited.

I'm praying that people (including myself) will come to see that there's beauty in the wait. There's beauty in understanding God's heart, for your heart. Then, when you're ready, you talk about waiting for someone else's heart to be ready for you.

So here's what: I've been drowning in my school work, but I'm almost there. 4 months have gone by, just another 2 to go. I really don't know if I should be weighing the difference now, because I have no clue as to how much more it's going to be in the next 2 years.

But guess what: God has been proving Himself faithful, even when I didn't ask of Him. I've not been doing too well, and I'm too afraid to admit it. Then again, it just reminds me that I'm real.

I told my 3 young ones that as Christians, we don't and shouldn't lead 2 different lives, in and out of church. I was in church for almost the whole day yesterday, then I saw myself at my classmate's birthday chalet later that night. I wondered, was I living two different lives too? Pastor Joyce encouraged the leaders, that if we wanted to see our members living it out, it starts with us. It starts with me.

Likewise, it starts with you. There's no running away from the very fact that you're different.

We are called to difference.

For God's purpose, for God's heart, for God's grace, it wouldn't matter if my heart broke too. God's heart must have broken a thousand folds more than mine has. So if a burden is to be shouldered, I'm not shrugging it off.

Not forgetting special someones who turned 18 today :) Happy Birthday Joy and Ming Wei!



Here's to yet another weekend with God and precious friends!